Last night I had a series of dreams that brought up allot of resistance and I'm not sure why. On one I was on the cable series that used to come on and still may called 'All That'. It's pretty much a goofy show and I was resisting being a part of it. I was also resisting being a football player as well as Steve Erkle. I suppose what these characters represent are humiliation to me. They challenge my idea of myself. They are two extremes, one is a clown and dork and the other is a jock who is strictly into praise and glory. It did help me to integrate those as they felt like aspects of me, perhaps under expressed. As I was transitioning to the fully awake state I made sure to release as much resistance as I could to all of the characters and energies. Later I found it kinda silly that I held resistance to these at all, I must have dissolved some of the fear surrounding them.
I am after all here to integrate all potential self expressions into universal love.
So because I was a football player in my dream I decided to try it out today. My, everyone was super cheery today on the trail! I received many warm smiles and greetings like never before. Totally unexpected. As I lifted my head from thought a young lady about my age I found was already looking at me with a broad smile on her face as she passed by on her bike and waved. She had a really mysterious smirk on her face, like she knew something but wasn't gonna tell anyone. She was a blonde and after she passed I looked back and watched her ride far into the distance. She seemed mysterious to me, she reminded me of Anastasia, how she might have looked. Very strange moment, but she was very beautiful.
After being at the green-way, where there was a school running event going on I returned home and saw her pass me again. I was a little tempted to stop her and introduce myself, but there was allot of traffic there at the time. I felt really good and you'd almost think I was part of the event, accidentally! But it felt good. I had been intending to be around others more and this was a surprising and synchronistic gift, all of it! Oddly I felt somehow like I was a gift to them, I cannot explain that bit very well as I don't understand it. But I felt a warm love for the lot of them.
I saw 43 many times today but didn't take any pictures. I also got a little blue butterfly to land on my hand but I wasn't quick enough with the camera so that little magical event belongs to me alone I guess. :)
Oh yeah and look what came in the mail when I got back from the park; football in hand!
Phase two is about stepping into the unknown and taking risks where ever my heart calls me to. Walking to the park with the intention to toss the ball to random people is just that. I didn't find an ideal situation, most were runners and I didn't want to interrupt their run, and the others either were on a bike or were elderly. But I did act on the call and it took courage to do it. I am doing this for me is what I remind myself. I do not care how it comes out I know I conquered as long as I did all that I intended provided the circumstances. I have after all decided never to back down from my heart's calling again even if there is only an ounce of strength left to do so.
All things creative.